Do you know that? A certain, negative feeling comes over you and you want to leave this emotional world as quickly as possible.
- Maybe you’re dead sad because your partner left you.
- Or are you angry because your boss promoted your sleazy colleague and not you.
- Or you may feel helpless because your partner has fallen in love with a younger woman and separated – maybe. This insecurity and powerlessness dominates everything and covers you like a veil and you do not know how to proceed.
No matter what "uncomfortable" feeling is, our defense strategy usually gets rid of this feeling the opposite! In this article you will find out why this is the case and how we can make our feelings our friends.
Why do certain feelings remain so persistent?
Why can’t we let go of so-called "negative" feelings? Why do they often remain present for a very long time? The answer is easier than you think: because we don’t really feel it. For example, we experience grief, anger, disappointment, fainting, feel the pressure in the stomach and maybe we even cry.
But then we hand over the command to our mind, which has innumerable strategies: to evaluate the feeling, to push it away, to explain, to understand, to ignore, to question … The hope of the mind is, through these and similar behaviors, the unpleasant feelings to bring to a standstill.
The number 1 mistake of why relationships fail. And three effective ways to avoid it!
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Feelings want to be felt
So the command is in the mind. Do you find the mistake? The mind wants to solve something that has only marginally to do with it. Not to mention that his assessment mostly affects his feelings negatively. However, the feelings don’t want to be controlled by the mind! They would move into the background much faster if we felt the feelings. And give us the associated side effects, such as crying, screaming, expressing anger – because feelings want to be perceived!
The main need for feelings:
You want to be felt!
Feelings are like little children
If we forbid something for children, then they want it more and more and develop an incredible energy and a strong will to the point of defiance. So do our feelings: If we don’t really let them be there, then they keep coming back – even years later -, to remind us that they need something from us:
- they want our 100% attention,
- they want us to let them be the way they are and
- they want us to really feel them.
When we feel them completely and honestly, they feel accepted and gradually take a back seat. Like little children, who are especially well if we accept them and let them be as they are. But like with small children, dealing with feelings is about experiencing, allowing and practicing again and again.
Fighting feelings: how you feel
Practice feeling your body, especially when you are feeling negative. There are many approaches to this, I describe one possibility here:
Lie in bed without distraction and observe your body and your feelings and consciously perceive everything:
- Do you feel your back on the bed??
- Do you feel how your hands feel??
- Do you feel the movement of your belly moving up and down as you breathe?
- Do you feel the lump in the throat or the anger in the belly?
- Do you feel your heart?
- Do you feel how the grief (or another feeling) becomes more present and clear?
Let it be there Do not change anything. Watch yourself Let it happen. And when thoughts come, watch them and let them go again. The easiest way is to put your attention back on your body and watch yourself.
In theory, this sounds easier than it probably is at the beginning in practice. That is why it is important to stay tuned and learn to feel. As a child, you could do it perfectly until we were "trained". Practice this for 5 minutes every day and you will soon notice a change.
Feelings are always right
You cannot feel yourself. You can get lost or miscalculate. But feeling is not possible. It is "only" the mind that judges whether the feeling is good or bad and whether we like it or not – the feeling is always right in itself. Otherwise it would not be there.
You can’t make mistakes.
That will not do!
Here we go!? When do you want to start really feeling your feelings? When do you want to understand your feelings as friends who are there for you and not against you, help you to understand your life better and process experiences instead of fighting against you? Here you will find a beautiful and helpful meditation that brings us into contact with the feelings of our inner child.
Book tips about feelings
I can recommend the following books and eBooks on the subject of feelings. Clicking the link opens a new window on Amazon.
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